Summer 2010

With summer fast approaching the usual symptoms are flaring: a dramatic rise in underage fornication, drinking and drugging, hayfever, pre-exam stress and of course the unavoidable growth in libido. It's only right that there are some guidelines set for the coming season as the festivities have been known to bow down to errors in summer conduct in the past, so make sure you're on the right side of the summer code.

1. Thou shalt not don sandals if thou hast a bad pedicure or crusty toes in general.
   On numerous occasions boys have complained about the condition of certain females toes as they insist on wearing sandals in summer: all to no avail. Ladies if you are going to wear sandals make sure you have your credentials in check, it's only fair on the people who have to witness the state of your feet. Also a pedicure is good hygiene.
   
   
2. Thou shalt not don layers of coats, hoodies , jeans and wooly hat.
   Too many times we have witnessed "the mandem" strutting around in 25 degree (Centigrade) weather in full winter gear, Ok guys- let's not pretend you don't suffer a heat stroke when you go round the corner. It doesn't look good and you shouldn't do it- it's a bloody eyesore.
   
   
3. Thou shalt wear summer colours.
   Guys and dolls, try to keep it on a funky vibe- it's summer! Think carnival! Try to fill your wardrobe with tasty pastel colours for summer and don't be afraid to go wild with blazing yellows and violets.Boys, replace the black long sleeved polo for a yellow one and you're set, ladies, try to get out of the habit of wearing jeans and go for a pair of hot pants or those saucy summer frocks- H&M are doing a great collection.
   
   
4. Thou shalt be creative.
   Let's face it guys, for most of us it's our GCSE/A-LEVEL year and we can't afford to go to every house party or rave, so try to be creative about how you have fun without compromising your education. Try to have picnics with friends: bring books, a blanket,exotic food and a decent sound system. Don't invite too many people or it may turn into a full blown party.
   
   
5. Thou shalt save money.
   Guys we are on our way to university pretty soon and we damn sure can't fuck up all our money, I know some of you have girlfriends (not links, not bangbuddies- actual girlfriends) that you take out and whatnot and I rate you for this, but it's not the one right now... this links back to rule 4: pull your finger out and be creative.
   
   
6. Thou shalt shed your head of braided extensions.
   Ladies, this point has been stressed for many years: Braids need to go. Badly applied horse hair is not a good look and it does leave you looking like Whoopi Goldberg. Go for a hot perm, mohican, crop or Rihanna cut- it will definitely be much more comfortable in the heat.
   
   
7. Guys, I really think it's time to move past stuffing shoes with socks.
   The natural curve of the foot it THE look for summer, throw away your airforces and airmax and grab yourself a pair of converse slim and even a pair of dunks as pose to the A1's ( I know some of you are like a dog with a bone about those damned Airforces).
   
   
8. Ladies, thou shalt keep a decent manicure.
   Here is a discrete guideline to nails: Bitten through- ugly, chipped-shambles, stained-fix up, dirty-go home. Noone likes a dirty manicure and guys wouldn't be too keen to have you touch them with it, synthetic nails always look nice- have a go?
   
   
9. Leave your bullshit at the door.
   There will be no mention of insecurities and there will be no bitching, summer is a festive time, a time to love.
   
   
10. Be free.
    Try new things people, don't be afraid to broaden your horizons!

There they are, MY summer guidelines for 2010

; take them and use them wisely ;)

Larry Bucks (no homo)

Result.

Well, this is exactly what we were warned of. The prospect of a hung parliament looms over the heads of millions of Brits alike as we wait in anticipation to find out which direction our little nation is heading in; in who's hands has this decision been put in? None other than Nick Clegg. I would like to take this opportunity to say that I have completely lost ALL faith in the British public, thanks a lot guys.

Polls stretching back weeks had forewarned the electorate that Labour would not get more seats than the Tories, they would not get a majority- and (God forbid) neither would the Liberal Democrats- so the question at my fingertips tonight loyal readers is what the hell were they thinking voting for Labour or Lib dems? did they suppose that their solitary vote would make that difference that would push Gordon past the majority threshold? did they dare to believe that by some act of divine intervention the Liberals would show some significance in the political process? How very disillusioned.

The fact of the matter is the British public spoke, and they spoke against socialism. Goodnight.

Larry Bucks

Can you imagine #1

Today I was sitting on my carpet, sipping at a cup of coffee and thinking about doing some revision when it dawned on me: I had forgotten to blog about one monkey that had attempted to label me an attention whore last week.

I know what you're thinking right, "oh come on grow up" and bullshit like that, but NO I refuse to grow up while labelfags roam the streets freely; is this what society has become? a playground for labelfags to bully citizens in? I rebuke this idea and I fight against it.

I had been going through my day in the usual manner: I was walking around complaining about the obviously communist government and trying to get teachers to vote conservative (the equivalent of what you yanks might call REPUBLICAN), when this individual- this vagina face said: "Guys, don't worry- he goes about being controversial because he likes the attention".

Obviously the statement had not particularly phased me at the time and I continued about my business (partially due to my short attention span).

To set the record straight to defend anyone sane enough to be like me:

1. I am a conservative supporter because I'm too black to be a BNP supporter and too educated to support labour, the lib dems (God forbid) or any other faggot party.
   
   
2. I am for abortions because that shit saves lives.
   
   
3. I dislike Nigerians because Nigerians drop property value wherever they go.
   
   
4. I think dictators are awesome because they obviously have their shit on lock and would put anyone who tries to take their shit from them into a position of serious butthurt.
   
   
5. Women are inferior because they are biologically superior and they still suck. WNBA: need I say more?
   
   
6. The garden of Eden story obviously isn't true because we didn't come out of a magical garden from 2 people which would make us all inbred- AND I'm a Christian..because this is purely opinion.
   
   
7. I do not like chicken because it tastes like shit without shitloads of seasoning, spices and sauces.

I cannot be bothered to complete this post because my arse is sore from sitting on this carpet.

L.B

Saint Adolf

All countries have their patron saints; the Scots have st. Andrew, the Irish have st. Patrick- even the Kenyans have Obama. Last week it happened to be st. George's day (st. George being the patron saint of England), even in England there wasn't much speculation into the holiday- on the contrary there was more interest in the fact that it was also Hitler's birthday (Hitler being the patron saint of Germany)

A lot of people are still very sensitive about Adolf's hobbies and how he managed to mix pleasure with work, if that is the case you are probably of Jewish, nigrae or n00b lineage and I suggest you get the fuck off my blog. Al was a complicated man, a man of sophistication and good humour, but there is simply too much bad blood for most people to appreciate what he did for lulz.

Larry Bucks

Teachers

Teachers, the fabric of our society- the people we trust our children with for six hours a day; these scholars have the power to change the opinions of the next generation, they have the trust of the kids and the confidence of their parents. We have teachers...and then we have mike. Mike Black being my government and politics teacher truly is a prime example of how a teacher truly can fuck up one's chances of gettng a decent A level grade, good job dude. When my previous teacher had to vacate his position temporarily due to another motherbitch of a teacher having to take maternity leave because she was to give birth to a mudkip so he had to go and finish the job the woman couldn't finish: teach her class (and ladies, THAT is why you simply cannot get paid the same amount a man does for the same job-but that's up for discussion on a later blog post).

I was interested to find out what my new teacher would be like when our glorious (real) teacher abandoned us, to find this grey headed creature-bumbling even in speech. The first few lessons were a trial filled with discoveries, including the revalation regarding mikes inability plan a lesson BEFORE it begins (no, seriously).

I'm sure you have all had teachers scold you about using wikipedia as your primary source of information due to the fact that trolls (not unlike myself) do tend to log in and change information on the site-simply for the lulz. Mike obviously does not share these views as he does, during lessons, get on wikipedia and use it to teach a lesson; goodbye sweet Alevels, maybe I could get a scholaship for blogging?

Considering I have absolutely no chance of getting a grade now I rely heavily on @zeynabconteh (tweet her) for the meagre bits of knowledge that I do pick up here and there. On a final note I would like to say that if you remotely care for the education, you should vote for the consertvative party or the children of this country will have their heads filled with left wing de-education, develop turnip brains and die.

Larry Bucks

School chronicles #1

Having gone to an all boys' comprehensive secondary school it was inevitable that I would have a rough time when I started at my new grammar sixth form (what you yanks call high school); Naturally I was horny as fuck when I first arrived and I confirmed that "I would" every vagina walking. Eventually I bust my nut, the horniness left and the mist was lifted from my eyes. When this mist left my eyes, I was able to see clearly and judge the society within the walls of my new hell.

Being a grammar school it was no doubt going to be filled with Asians (LOL.), coming from a rather Niggerish comprehensive school I had only seen one or two AZNs in my time and even they had been raised to be quite Niggerish, so I had assumed that this super race was exclusive to clinically smart people. I was wrong. One adorable little Chinese girl (don't be fooled, she is older than me-apparently Chinese girls don't grow past the age of 13) had been dumbfounded by the chip and pin cashcard system, as she admitted she had until a fortnight ago believed her card was broken- until of course she discovered her pin code in fact consisted of FOUR numbers.

Larry Bucks

Racism.

As I sit here waiting for my laxatives to kick in I ponder about what this world would be without racism- I have had teachers and other figures of (false) authority tell me that racism is a bad thing and that it is the very thing that is decaying society from within; this my loyal audience, is a lie. Racism is the most awesome subject I have ever come across and it truly gives me the best lulz.

Whether it's the warm feeling I get inside from reminding a chinese person that they are infidelic pagan scum ruled under a communist regime and that if their people are in danger of extinction due to the chinese government censoring the internetz and all pornography. How are the horny little Chinese teenage boys going to know what to do with a vag? They wont. The Chinese are doomed.

Black people are a hot topic when it comes to racism, black people give me the most lulz; the single fact that n1ggers conform to every stereotype makes it so much funnier- watermelons, fried chicken and whatnot are in fact a black persons true loves. Ignorance and a tan is all it takes to be a black person, thorough research into black culture has shown that black people are the most ignorant race on the face of this earth; to be a black person you must be oblivious to all concepts of peaceful cohabiting and life without stabbings, rudeness or fried chicken (to be a Nigerian of course you must be unaware of the concept of right and wrong altogether).

Might I also take this chance to remind Somalians that well, they are Somalian.

On a final note I would like to express my concerns about the lack of effective racist stereotypes for white folk, what the hell guys? Racist terms and stereotypes for white people are shit and sound like they were formulated as a nine year olds response to a "pull my finger" gag. Come on guys can we get our act together? "cracker"? seriously? that's a fucking snack. I want some SERIOUS racism submitted in to my email. Kids, if anyone tells you that racism is bad- it's a load of bullshit; racism is what makes us human, the ability to recognise difference between people and discriminate using this is essential in life- it gives you a heightened sense of self awareness.. so GO NUTS WITH RACISM AND GIVE YOURSELF SOME LULZ.

Larry Bucks.