Saint Adolf

All countries have their patron saints; the Scots have st. Andrew, the Irish have st. Patrick- even the Kenyans have Obama. Last week it happened to be st. George's day (st. George being the patron saint of England), even in England there wasn't much speculation into the holiday- on the contrary there was more interest in the fact that it was also Hitler's birthday (Hitler being the patron saint of Germany)

A lot of people are still very sensitive about Adolf's hobbies and how he managed to mix pleasure with work, if that is the case you are probably of Jewish, nigrae or n00b lineage and I suggest you get the fuck off my blog. Al was a complicated man, a man of sophistication and good humour, but there is simply too much bad blood for most people to appreciate what he did for lulz.

Larry Bucks

Teachers

Teachers, the fabric of our society- the people we trust our children with for six hours a day; these scholars have the power to change the opinions of the next generation, they have the trust of the kids and the confidence of their parents. We have teachers...and then we have mike. Mike Black being my government and politics teacher truly is a prime example of how a teacher truly can fuck up one's chances of gettng a decent A level grade, good job dude. When my previous teacher had to vacate his position temporarily due to another motherbitch of a teacher having to take maternity leave because she was to give birth to a mudkip so he had to go and finish the job the woman couldn't finish: teach her class (and ladies, THAT is why you simply cannot get paid the same amount a man does for the same job-but that's up for discussion on a later blog post).

I was interested to find out what my new teacher would be like when our glorious (real) teacher abandoned us, to find this grey headed creature-bumbling even in speech. The first few lessons were a trial filled with discoveries, including the revalation regarding mikes inability plan a lesson BEFORE it begins (no, seriously).

I'm sure you have all had teachers scold you about using wikipedia as your primary source of information due to the fact that trolls (not unlike myself) do tend to log in and change information on the site-simply for the lulz. Mike obviously does not share these views as he does, during lessons, get on wikipedia and use it to teach a lesson; goodbye sweet Alevels, maybe I could get a scholaship for blogging?

Considering I have absolutely no chance of getting a grade now I rely heavily on @zeynabconteh (tweet her) for the meagre bits of knowledge that I do pick up here and there. On a final note I would like to say that if you remotely care for the education, you should vote for the consertvative party or the children of this country will have their heads filled with left wing de-education, develop turnip brains and die.

Larry Bucks

School chronicles #1

Having gone to an all boys' comprehensive secondary school it was inevitable that I would have a rough time when I started at my new grammar sixth form (what you yanks call high school); Naturally I was horny as fuck when I first arrived and I confirmed that "I would" every vagina walking. Eventually I bust my nut, the horniness left and the mist was lifted from my eyes. When this mist left my eyes, I was able to see clearly and judge the society within the walls of my new hell.

Being a grammar school it was no doubt going to be filled with Asians (LOL.), coming from a rather Niggerish comprehensive school I had only seen one or two AZNs in my time and even they had been raised to be quite Niggerish, so I had assumed that this super race was exclusive to clinically smart people. I was wrong. One adorable little Chinese girl (don't be fooled, she is older than me-apparently Chinese girls don't grow past the age of 13) had been dumbfounded by the chip and pin cashcard system, as she admitted she had until a fortnight ago believed her card was broken- until of course she discovered her pin code in fact consisted of FOUR numbers.

Larry Bucks

Racism.

As I sit here waiting for my laxatives to kick in I ponder about what this world would be without racism- I have had teachers and other figures of (false) authority tell me that racism is a bad thing and that it is the very thing that is decaying society from within; this my loyal audience, is a lie. Racism is the most awesome subject I have ever come across and it truly gives me the best lulz.

Whether it's the warm feeling I get inside from reminding a chinese person that they are infidelic pagan scum ruled under a communist regime and that if their people are in danger of extinction due to the chinese government censoring the internetz and all pornography. How are the horny little Chinese teenage boys going to know what to do with a vag? They wont. The Chinese are doomed.

Black people are a hot topic when it comes to racism, black people give me the most lulz; the single fact that n1ggers conform to every stereotype makes it so much funnier- watermelons, fried chicken and whatnot are in fact a black persons true loves. Ignorance and a tan is all it takes to be a black person, thorough research into black culture has shown that black people are the most ignorant race on the face of this earth; to be a black person you must be oblivious to all concepts of peaceful cohabiting and life without stabbings, rudeness or fried chicken (to be a Nigerian of course you must be unaware of the concept of right and wrong altogether).

Might I also take this chance to remind Somalians that well, they are Somalian.

On a final note I would like to express my concerns about the lack of effective racist stereotypes for white folk, what the hell guys? Racist terms and stereotypes for white people are shit and sound like they were formulated as a nine year olds response to a "pull my finger" gag. Come on guys can we get our act together? "cracker"? seriously? that's a fucking snack. I want some SERIOUS racism submitted in to my email. Kids, if anyone tells you that racism is bad- it's a load of bullshit; racism is what makes us human, the ability to recognise difference between people and discriminate using this is essential in life- it gives you a heightened sense of self awareness.. so GO NUTS WITH RACISM AND GIVE YOURSELF SOME LULZ.

Larry Bucks.

Two and Half Men

Two and a half men has given me many a chuckles in my time, and Charlie Harper/Sheen has been a good rolemodel to me with his sexist slurs and demeaning expectations of women- but it's been like ten years now, his faggot brother is STILL in his house? Charlie has managed to lose a fan by keeping a fat middle aged leech in his yard and allowing him to raise his fat son in there. I can't hold his gambling, alcoholism or nymphomania against him, in fact I idolise him for it- but my straight laced zimbo upbringing wouldn't allow me to allow someone to eat from me like that. Alan Harper is a cockblock, a bitch and a cheapskate, If I was in his position I would have banged his ex wife until she called off her divorce lawyers. I would have let the bitch take custody of her retard son too.

Larry Bucks

(Jake you stopped amusing me when you were 10, piss off now)

Miscellaneous rants: The ipad

"What the actual fuck" was my first thought when I first saw Apple's "laptop killer", what the hell is this shit? Apple had been playing up rumours about their revolutionary new device for years up to this point, I was expecting some sort of magic spinning flip out shit like the sidekick has- or at least a click wheel or something SUPRISING. But no, all apple had for me was a giant fucking ipod touch. Kudos to you Steve Jobs, you've outdone yourself creativity wise-no seriously dude.

Not only is it merely a giant ipod touch with the only internet access being through a wifi connection leaving you tethered to your house, but these skinny mac-geeks expect us to pay around £100 extra for a 3G model for internet on the go; hold on? 3G model you say..isn't that basically a giant iphone? YES. YES IT IS. A giant iphone you can't make calls from. Don't get me wrong, I love apple products- I'm a mac user myself but this has gone too far.

Afterthoughts:

Steve Jobs is a bony virgin

Fuck this, I'm getting a zune

Apple production team clearly need a new weed man

Only the biggest fanboys and applefags are going to buy this

This is nearly as useless as Apple TV

Larry Bucks

The Wedding

Yesterday I went to a wedding in Bow (east london), my first thoughts upon driving into the area was "where is my bulletproof vest"- the place completely consists of council estates (for those readers in the states that's the english version of "the hood") and a few buses; so much space was used up by blocks that the function hall where the wedding reception was being held was UNDERGROUND. Don't get me wrong I was quite impressed with the quality of the tiny building; being built into the ground with grass growing onto it's roof and side meant it would be well insulated in winter which means that the Tower Hamlets council is making the effort to get greener and greener; the wedding itself was a fucking shambles though, you should know that I only went for the food and I wasn't disappointed by the catering, that's one thing that went well.. If I could marry the chef I would do that shit in a flash, she had me going for seconds on shrimp, pepper prawns, different rices, potato salads and the best damn macaroni and cheese I have EVER tasted. Of course it wast one of those ones where people start staring and whispering, just giving you eye while you're trying to get closer to your food- It didn't sway me.

The reception ended on a dancing note with uncles spraying dancers with £5 notes, this of course was due to the brides half nigerian background-I'm not complaining though, it's easy money.

An overall evaluation of the wedding is as follows: Fuck the groom, he's a douche. The bride was butters man, that's a dead barb. The music was shit- a lack of funky and kwaito. The photography services were fucking terrible (for a decent photo service I suggest Distinct Photography London, they are a small group just starting out but they are AMAZING, find their facebook page at the bottom of this post!).

If you don't want people to slam your special day, you better plan your shit properly for real.

Larry Bucks

Distinct Photography London facebook group <<<<>