Cockblocks are one of the most difficult challenges we all face in life, @Boomsuckahh and I took it upon ourselves (with the help of our followers on twitter) to compile a list of life's biggest Cockblocks.
This is a tedious cockblock as it is easy to defeat, it is only a slight turn-off if your belly starts to growl while you try to get your freak on... yeah.
19-Curfew
This can prove to be a difficult one to defeat if either of your parents are tough motherfuckers, a time limit is never something to work with- imagine working against the clock?
*Recommended game for the occasion: Ejaculate within the allotted time frame, whoever comes first wins and the game ends; if the game ends and you haven't busted your nut you're pissed. Game over.
18-Too Many Man
Have you ever been in a rave filled with guys? It's not cool, guys make it their goal to cockblock each other with the "If I'm not getting some, noone is" mentality. This is a nasty situation in which every boy will cockblock until they "self-block" (suicide). The TMM (Too many man) situation can also come about when guys continuously in front of you and start grinding with your target, this in itself causes broflation as girls begin to ask their friends for help because "that crazy grinding guy is coming round to try dagger me again".
17-Baby mothers
These crazy bitches are raising their kids with no man and will act accordingly, they will battle your arse to the END to secure their kids a daddy. Dangerous cockblock, but because of the rarity of a BMI (Baby mother intervention) it didn't score high enough to get into the top ten.
16-Sobriety
This one is very simple, man has known from the beginning of time that Alcohol is his ally in the quest for pussy- with time this knowledge has evolved as man discovered the wonders of Rohypnol and Chloroform. A sober target can be tedious to deal with as you must go into the formalities and actually have to "talk" to them and display an interest in their interests. Boring.
15-Tights
From my schoolboy days I remember having a hard time tearing tights off, this was on a girl wearing a skirt; with the advances in fashion and girls wearing tights with denim shorts you can imagine just how difficult this task must be- one must surely lose an erection before breaking through the lycra barrier.
14-Trey Songz
This man is your enemy. He has set a standard for men which is unrealistic and unachievable, this in turn has raised expectations in women as they are given the false idea that men will wait for them hand and foot, rub their faces in a woman's vagina every other minute, cook, clean and maintain an olympic swimmers body. Fuck outta here, stop fuelling Broflation.
13-Video Games
Have you any idea how many girls entered a state of desperation when Black Ops and Fifa 12 were released? Yeah. The average male teenager would gladly discount a willing vagina for the latest in the "Call of Duty" line.
12-Winter
Back in the day I tried to have sex outdoors during winter and I couldn't get it up.
A lot of people just aren't in the mood during winter because the greyness of British winter is depressing.
11-Age
I can't imagine why girls my age (17/18) would be after 25/26 year old dick, these older guys are seriously stepping on younger toes. Women tend to see guys they find attractive and later find out they are 14, it's a vicious cycle.
10-Public Transport
How many times have you been HORNY at 3am, found someone equally as horny (that or willing to drink a beverage you have prepared, either way- you're getting laid), told them "I'll be round in half an hour", ran out to the bus stop and waiting for 45 minutes with a hard penis before realising that TFL doesn't run at "ungodly hours". DICKS.
9-Relationships
Sure, relationships look great on the surface: on demand sex for anyone involved, no competition.
But then there is the dark side- girls in relationship could be seeing 2 or 3 other dudes instead, which would mean the pussy is distributed fairly...this is communism-but in this case it actually makes sense.
8-Post 16 Education (excluding University)
The IB is from Satan, The A Level is from Satan. Every time you think you have the time to get laid, the sheer stress from your work kills your libido and makes you crave a nap.
Nap>Sex
7-Exes
Apparently, some girls have a problem with their friends having sex with their exes... this is foreign to me, do not ask me why this is- I see absolutely nothing wrong with it; the way I see it one man's trash is another's treasure (sharing is caring).
6-Morals
Some people aren't DTF (down to fuck) in a lot of places and situations; for example, sex in the park is apparently wrong because "kids may see you and it may tarnish their innocence" <-THIS is some bullshit, this is ENGLAND- kids aren't born with an innocence in this country. Grow the fuck up.
5-Little Siblings
Put your hand up if your little sibling or cousin has at any point been in the wrong place at the wrong time and stopped what may have been the best sex of your life happening? Yeah, I thought so.
4-Ugly friends
UFS (Ugly friend syndrome) is a major problem in society, on average everyone has an ugly friend that doesn't know they are the ugly friend- they will insist on tagging along on dates/links, there is no doubt that they will not have a partner so it will be down to you to provide a friend to take the grenade for you because without a partner they will do everything within their power to make it impossible to obtain the pussy/dick.
3-African Parents
No comment needed. This is self explanatory, if you do not understand this- God blessed you with fine white parents.
2-Periods
This is guaranteed to come around every month, most guys do not know when to expect it and so will be disappointed regularly. A woman is horny as hell during her periods, it's harder for her than it is for you- deal with it.
1-Religion
Religion is one of the few things in life people try their hardest to stay true to, it is the cockblock there is no getting around- you must face it head on. With this one there is an extremely low success rate as marriage usually defeats you before you are able to claim a victory, have you ever tried to seduce a Muslim girl wearing a Hijab?
PS. Cockblock fi dead.
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